On the way to Disneyland last weekend, I was listening to the Back in the Day Replay on '90s on 9. I love those old countdown shows because they often resurrect songs that certainly had their moments at the time but have otherwise been forgotten by history. Such was the case on Sunday when Partners in Kryme's "Turtle Power" popped up somewhere in the 20s. That was the theme song to the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, which dominated the box office in the spring of 1990 (it was number one for four straight weeks and was the fifth biggest movie of that year). "Turtle Power" is a very silly song that very intricately describes the characters and action of the movie, a phenomenon that used to be pretty commonplace but is now mostly dead.
But some of those songs, despite their novelty status, are great! And so I decided to dig deep in the archives and unearth the top 10 novelty rap songs attached to movies.
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Serialized storytelling has become so normalized on TV that audiences expect even the most casual shows to have some sort of larger narrative arc that stretches across a season (or multiple seasons). That was not necessarily the case when Dawson’s Creek’s second season surfaced in the fall of 1998, though looking back the WB was way ahead of its time in that regard. One of its biggest hits, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, was already diving deep into teasing out long-term stories, and the just-premiered Felicity (which initially aired after Buffy) took a soapier path to extended narratives. Though it didn’t seem like Dawson’s was following that thread at the time, the show definitely dipped its toe in serialization—particularly in its first season, but certainly in a few mini-arcs in season two as well.
That all being said, “Alternative Lifestyles” feels like a standalone episode—the kind of “Monster of the Week” entries that The X-Files would slip in between entries in its larger mythos.
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It’s appropriate that I write this only a few days after my own birthday—an annual event with which I have a deeply complicated relationship—on the occasion of Pacey’s case of “the Molly Ringwalds.” (Joey deduces that he is referencing Sixteen Candles, not Pretty in Pink or The Breakfast Club.)
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Every Monday, I pick a handful of tracks that have been floating through my headspace. Most will be new, some will be old, and all will be great. This is the Up All Afternoon Monday Mixtape.
Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats, "You Worry Me"
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We just wrapped up an Oscar season where most all of my favorite movies of the year were relatively solid box office performers, but in 2018, my two favorite movies so far were economic clunkers. The first—Paddington 2—is relatively inexplicable, as it's a super charming kid-centric action comedy that works on all levels. But the second, Alex Garland's Annihilation, does make a lot more sense, as it's a complex cross-section of string theory, body horror and mental illness that doesn't necessarily scream a fun night at the pictures.
But Annihilation is a remarkable movie, and I have been casually calling it the best science fiction film of the 21st century so far. But would it really top that list, and what are the other films in consideration for that title? That's the subject of this week's Up All Afternoon Top 10.
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A legendary trilogy closes up shop this week with the release of 50 Shades Freed, a very silly movie about a boring guy who keeps a sex dungeon and his relationship with a woman with whom he has zero chemistry. When those books became a hit and they were subsequently adapted into movies, much was made about the level of perversion that would end up on screen. But the sex scenes in the 50 Shades movies are mostly hilarious, thanks to an overwrought tone and the aforementioned lack of spark between the two leads.
But the sturm und drang over mild butt play doesn't hold a candle to the unintentionally hilarious sex all-stars below. This week's Up All Afternoon Top 10 is devoted to those very scenes. Don't watch them with your parents.
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It's Super Bowl week, and while I have less than zero interest in the upcoming game between the Patriots and the Eagles, I do love me some Super Bowl-adjacent content. So in honor of this Sunday's event, let's take a look at the best performances by football players in film and television. I disqualified any players who played themselves (except for one very important exception), and I should note at the top that Dan Marino might actually be the worst actor in the history of recorded medium (his stuff in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective is truly painful, and he's playing Dan Marino!).
Also, a handful of Up All Afternoon listeners wanted Merlin Olsen on this list, but I've never seen Little House on the Prairie and my only association with him is in the confusingly terrible Joe Don Baker cop movie Mitchell. To the list!
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The second season of Dawson’s Creek opens exactly where the first season finale left off, with Dawson and Joey lip-locked in Dawson’s room. Picking up in media res is a brilliant move by the producers, as the conversation that the two of them would have immediately following that moment would have to be incredibly important. For a lot of shows, the kiss would be the logical climax and end point. But for the inhabitants of Dawson’s Creek, the analysis of the act is just as important as the act itself, and skipping forward would have denied devoted viewers an incredibly vital exchange.
The show punts that conversation just a little bit, as both Dawson and Joey are a little dumbstruck by the bold action they took at the end of the finale. Joey says, “You kissed me,” to which Dawson replies, “I know,” which feels like an homage to Leia and Han in The Empire Strikes Back and is a pretty cool piece of business. But as soon as the afterglow fades just a tiny bit, they both start waffling about what happens next.
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Fifteen years ago this week, Zwan released their debut album Mary Star of the Sea. The band, led by then-former Smashing Pumpkins cohorts Billy Corgan and Jimmy Chamberlin and fleshed out by a bunch of indie and post-grunge all-stars (Paz Lenchantin from A Perfect Circle, Dave Pajo from Slint, Matt Sweeney from Chavez), maintained the infectious melodies of the best Pumpkins tunes and pushed the production into a much glammier and prog-inflected direction. It felt like the first step of a promising second act for Corgan, but it ended up being the band's only release because Corgan remains an exceptionally difficult person with whom to work.
Zwan's Mary Star of the Sea remains a great album, and it joins the pantheon of great one-album wonders—artists who made one exceptional album and one album only. Here are the 10 best of those.
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Lethal Weapon has not only become a pretty sizable ratings hit for Fox, but it also has entered into the pantheon of great TV shows that were translated from movies. There are plenty of disasters dotting the landscape, but these 10 examples were exceptionally well-executed, and in some cases rank up with the greatest television shows of all time.
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In honor of Paddington 2 arriving in theaters this week, Up All Afternoon used its weekly rankings to ask the question: Who are the best fictional bears?
It turns out that people are extremely passionate about their animated ursine mammals. Here is the official Up All Afternoon Top 10 Fictional Bears!
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10. Call Me By Your Name
A lush, humanist love story that is deceptively complex in its construction. Obviously the performances are stellar across the board, and director Luca Guadagnino operates with an incredible amount of restraint.
9. Personal Shopper
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There’s a moment in the truly exceptional season one finale of Dawson’s Creek that not only galvanizes the arguments for Katie Holmes’ performance as Joey and the writing of Kevin Williamson (as well as credited co-writers Dana Baratta and Mike White) but also poignantly sums up everything I loved about this show back when it first arrived in early 1998.
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it cannot be understated how important the footage of Katie Holmes singing a song from Les Miserables on network TV was for me in May of 1998. At that point in my life as a high school sophomore, only two things really mattered to me: Music theater and...
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Even after Dawson’s Creek became a cultural touchstone, creator Kevin Williamson was still primarily known as the guy who resurrected the horror film economy with Scream (and to a lesser extent I Know What You Did Last Summer). After a decade or so of box office dominance, horror movies hit the skids in the ‘90s as many of the ‘80s slasher franchises faded away without any suitable replacements.
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In last week’s episode, Dawson exhibited some pretty evolved maturity in his faux-seduction of Nina the film student. But in returning to his element, our eponymous protagonist takes a huge step back, not only regressing to his post-Jen breakup emotional wallowing but also becoming a flat-out monster.
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One of the great joys of rewatching Dawson’s Creek this time around is realizing how off-base my dyed-in-the-wool convictions were about the show. For example, I had always operated under the ineffable truth that “Detention” was by far the best episode of the show’s first season. But it’s merely OK, and it has now become clear to me that “Road Trip” is unequivocally the finest hour of Dawson’s Creek’s first 13.
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I’ve been griping a lot about how the first season of Dawson’s Creek doesn’t spend nearly enough time on its central love triangle narrative, or at least doesn’t focus on it enough as I would like (or as much as I remembered it did). But I do give it credit: While we’ve been distracted by Dawson’s parents’ drama, Pacey’s statutory rape fantasies and Bessie’s dumb baby, the show has done a nice job of fleshing out the relationship between Dawson and Jen even though the bulk of their romance happens in the background and between episodes.
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For a teen show, what’s a better trope than Saturday detention, a thing that doesn’t actually exist in the real world?
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It only took six hours of programming, but I finally figured out why the Pacey/Tamara story has bothered me so much on this rewatch of Dawson’s Creek:
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